little village

little village
freewheelin' it

Monday, September 6, 2010

The Not-So-Holy Buddha Burger

So last night me and I my special lady went to our friends house for and impromptu get together and some Labour Day cheer. This is what transpired.
Before I begin, I would like to add the disclaimer that in no way am I a promoter of fast food. Though I do like french fries and cheeseburgers with bacon, we all know that corporate fast food is the devil in disguise making delicious morsels of fried everything that keeps us coming back for more.

Now I can't quite recall how the conversation began but a friend at the party said, "Theo, did you know that if you go to the Mcdonalds in Spruce Grove, Alberta and ask for the "Buddha Burger", you will get a burger with 10 patties?" I replied, "No, I did not know that, friend, but I would like to try one."

And so it began. There was pandemonium. Like the floor of the NY stock exchange, party guests were on their phones making wild gestures with their hands.  "Who knows CPR?!" someone shouted. 
Somebody knew somebody who knew somebody and orchestrated a delivery of two Buddha Burgers and within a half hour, they arrived. I paid $13 for my burger and tip for the delivery.

So here we are, me and the Buddha Burger.  So ominous, sitting in its tiny little box and towering ever so high, all ten storeys of meat with cheese on every floor.  And shiny. It was oh so shiny. I mean glistening under the kitchen lights. I must admit, it was a lot bigger than I anticipated. I rolled up my sleeves and like David vs Goliath I attacked this monster. With two meat hooks and a snapping jaw, I squeezed the burger down as much as I could but the bun dissolved in my hands.  I picked it up and it was spitting and hissing at me and then a stream of burger juice ran down each arm, off my elbow and into my lap. I tried taking a bite but the burger was bigger than my face.  I tried one more and it was over. I was in a dream like state surrounded by giant shiny patties.  Buddha 1 - Theo 0.

I was wounded. Defeated. Covered in grease. Pants ruined.  Shirt ruined. I needed a shower.

Legend has that a young local finished the Buddha plus two big macs in one sitting.
I challenge you Friends! I challenge you to take on the Buddha Burger!

With Love,



  1. Not sure what's scarier?
    The burger or the smile on your face!

    Bon Appetite! Bodhisattva Bill from Mississauga

  2. I think I was smiling because I felt like I had just caught a big fish and I was posing with it like it was a trophy.